#MeToo

I wanted to share my #metoo stories, but I was unsure whether to because what I have experienced never seemed "bad enough" and I have been very lucky in that respect. However I was watching this video and Raya said "that's the problem" - what I have experienced is really not okay, and we shouldn't normalise this kind of behaviour.

The time I asked a gardener to come and give us a quote. He seemed nice and friendly enough, he measured up the garden, rang me a couple of times to give me the price, and arrange to start the work. Then I got a phone call, he asked if I was in so he could come over to carry on the work. I said yes, he kind of giggled and said "oh I feel really nervous now", I asked why. He said "what if your husband comes back and catches us". Turns out, he thought he was coming round for sex and we were going to have an affair. We'd never spoken about anything more personal than my garden and our pets, he said he thought I liked him because I was "nice to him". I offered to help him measure the garden and held the other end of the tape measure. He thought this meant I wanted to sleep with him. I told him not to come over but he said he was going to anyway so we could talk. I rang my husband in a panic who was at work but luckily only a couple of minutes away who came home and spoke to him but it scares me to think what might have happened if he had just turned up.

I was staying in a youth hostel in Bondi Beach, and the bathrooms there were unisex. I was in the shower, and the walls were high but stopped about a foot from the ceiling. I was getting washed, there was no shower curtain and I looked up and saw someone watching me from the next cubicle. He must have been stood on the toilet seat, and was peering over the top. He saw me looking and ducked. I froze and didn't know what to do, I was covered in soap so tried to rinse quickly and grab my towel, and his head popped up again. I shouted to him, "what do you think you are doing?!" and he flushed the toilet and opened the door. I came out and told some girls who were stood in the bathroom who told the hostel manager. She asked me why I didn't scream. I didn't want to make a fuss. I look back at this and think, why didn't I just scream?

In a queue at a McDonalds on a night out at about 10pm. Two men in the queue behind me kept lifting my skirt up at the back.

On a night out at college with a group of friends. A friend of a friend who was out with us who was stood next to me just put his hand up my skirt.

Being accused of being racist because I wouldn't go to a much older man's house who was sat opposite me on the bus when I was 14.

Walking through the bus station one morning on my way to work, a man started making me feel uncomfortable. He was walking too close to me and matching my pace. He said something to me, I couldn't hear what he said, I ignored him. He physically stood in front of me, blocking my way and demanded to know why I hadn't said hello to him.

Multiple times of cat calling, groping, touching, unwanted attention; in school classrooms, school playgrounds, college, bars, clubs, the street.

Five years.

Five years feels like forever and nothing.

When I look at photos of him, he looks so familiar and so strange.

I think about him every day.

Dad, I miss you and love you so much. I wish you were still here.

Countries List

01. England
02. Scotland
03. Wales
04. France
05. Germany
06. Netherlands
07. Belgium
08. Austria
09. Slovakia
10. The Vatican
11. Moanco
12. Italy
13. Switzerland
14. Finland
15. Singapore
16. Australia
17. Hutt River Province
18. New Zealand
19. Fiji
20. Tahiti
21. Hong Kong
22. Mexico
23. Poland
24. USA
25. Hawaii
26. Iceland
27. Balearic Islands
28. Czech Republic
29. Gibraltar
30. Hungary

We found a beautiful house...

But, we're not buying it.

We were going to put an offer on, but I have been doing badly at work so Adam has decided he doesn't want to buy it now. I don't know how I feel.

On the one hand, I think that yes I have let some of the invoices slide. But, since I started working more seriously for the company we have been taking a lot more money. Adam was hesitant to spend the money already, before these issues came up. Nothing's changed in regards to the money we have or haven't got.

On the other, should I be more upset? I feel like I don't really care... I don't know if that's because it doesn't feel 100% final, he might change his mind. Or am I just not that bothered about the house? I can't tell.

I find the whole situation with houses so frustrating. Do I want to move to Sheffield, or stay in Barnsley? Do I want to sell our house or rent it out? How much do I want to spend? Do I want to move, or should I just stay where I am, do ours up, and buy a holiday home in a year or two? I genuinely just do not really know. When we were looking in Sheffield, I wanted to stay in Barnsley. Now we're considering staying in Barnsley, I want to move to Sheffield. I wish I could make up my mind, it's a pain being so indecisive!

Merry Christmas 2016

Here's wishing you a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Baby names

I was just searching for the meaning of the name Ngaio... it means "light refelecting on water".

While I was looking, I also saw another name and I've fallen head over heels in love with it:

Name Aroha
Gender Female
Origin Maori
Meaning Love

I could have two baby girls, Ngaio Emma Richards and Aroha Isabelle Richards. Then we could have a baby boy, although I'm not sure what his name will be yet.

Oh gosh, I want a baby so much. I'm so ready to grow our family.

Reasons I am looking forward to losing weight

1. Wear shorts and a bikini in Hawaii. Adam and I have a booked a dream holiday in December - we're spending 3 nights in San Fransisco, then 7 nights in Hawaii. I am so excited, but I want to be able to wear shorts in Hawaii and a bikini on the beach and feel comfortable. The last few times I have been on holiday, I have sometimes felt really uncomfortable. I've felt fat, I've got stuck in a chair, had to ask for a seatbelt extension on the plane and had plenty of stares. I don't want this in Hawaii.
2. Go skiing.
3. Go ziplining.
4. Join a ballet class. This is something that I have always, always wanted to do. I never had lessons when I was a little girl, so would love to start now. I know I'll never be a ballerina but it's just something to do for me.
5. Be able to take more photos of myself. I know technically I could take them now, but I always hate how I look in them. I can't avoid seeing myself like I can in a perfectly angled selfie or the mirror.
6. Use less fabric/wool when making something for myself to wear. I have to knit so much more, or buy so much more fabric to make something for myself. I could literally half the time it would take for me to knit a cardigan for myself.
7. Enjoy sex more. I used to love sex. I would love to just ride Adam (crude, but true). I just feel so self conscious with myself.
8. Dressing how I want to dress. Not just making do in whatever is there and whatever fits me. Being able to choose and develop my own style and wear more expensive clothing.
9. Hide away less. I feel so embarassed of myself all the time, I have become this wall flower who won't say anything, ever. I want to get more of my personality back.
10. The big one. Be able to actively pursue getting pregnant. Enough said, really.